Cephalaspidomorphii

A friend of mine said to me once… you know what; most of the people in our course took BS Bio only because their parents wanted them to… For a few moments, I’ve given it a thought.

Back when I was choosing a course to apply to in the UP form, I had my mom beside me. However, she never really said something about what I should pick. Her only words were "Just pick the ones you’d really be putting yourself into" and "are you sure about this?" after I’ve finished filling up the form, and then an expressionless "okay" when I said yes.

BAA was actually my first choice because, just like my brother, I wanted to have a pretty decent job when I graduate. Unfortunately, I got my second choice, BS Bio.

In time, the "unfortunately" turned into a "luckily" when I realized in my first year that my knowledge of math was not enough to meet the demands of BAA.

And so I thought, maybe it was destiny. Destiny… destiny… destiny… I probably heard it echo a million times in my head… destiny.

My dilemma started when my friend asked me, "how about you? Why did you choose BS Bio?" A lot of people have asked me that question before, but this was the only time I’ve thought about it deeply… deeply… deeply into the core of my head, and probably into the core of my heart. Well, just to give a quick answer, I said "I want to be a doctor." It was a standard answer coming from a biologist… "I want to be a doctor." Darn! Is this all the reason I have?

Like day dreaming, I went back to the day I was choosing courses in the form. I realized that I was lucky because I was given a privilege by my mom (even my brother, I guess). They both gave me the power of CHOICE. However, did I waste this privilege by choosing BS Bio? Certainly not! I remembered for a fact that it took me almost 3 days to think about what to take. Each of the 4 courses I picked, I know I’ve given enough time… Enough time to think about where it will take me, what jobs will it land me, what will my future be, and what reason do I have to take it. I know for a fact that I was enjoying choosing those four; I know I wanted them, I know that which ever will be given to me, I can be happy.

I reflected on the reasons behind these 4 choices. The easiest to remember was my first choice (BAA) because it was actually the shortest one I pondered on prior to filling up the form. I wanted to be a business man, I want to be rich… those were the 2 main "themes" for taking up BAA. This must be why I never got the course: the reason was shallow. So, how about BS Bio? "I want to be a doctor" was only part of the reason, I swear. I’m positive that this was the course I’ve thought of DEEPEST. However, because of my attitude of forgetting carelessly the important stuffs happening into my life, I think I’m doomed to fail to recover my very reason why I ever took this course. Oh Crap!

I think that starting now, each time I’d say "I want to be a doctor," somehow I’d be lying to myself. Until that day that I remember the very cause of me taking BS Bio, I will never stop thinking about it. Never! I am enjoying after all… wahahahahahahaahaha!

Is it alright to say that "I don’t like to have a girlfriend any time soon ’cause I don’t want to be tied down while I still want to be free"? Or is it just a lame(?) excuse to distance yourself from possible pains you may experience while loving someone? …

Hmm.. I expected Baguio to be a little hotter…  Haha.. umasa ako… Di man lang nagpakita ang araw… O well! Buhahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Its vacation time, for the next few days at least. It’s funny when I think about the dying days I’ve spent on this semester. Exams… papers… exams pa… long exams…finals.. But what I’ve reflected on most was my public speech in my communication 3 class.
We, well I was tasked to make a speech to persuade… and guess what my topic was… cramming! I wanted to persuade my audience to basically stop cramming and change their study habits. After all those preparations, info gathering and deliberation of what seemed to be a milestone for the likes of me, in the end, I can’t even convince myself to stop the deed. Tsk tsk tsk..
It was finals week and all I did was cram… cram… cram.. eeeww, cramming. I don’t really know if it was my fault, or my roommates’ fault, or this world’s fault… But God it happens. Amph! It even becomes a habit. Amph again!
O well.. ganyan ang buhay. I still have a long way to go I guess. Bye na..

At last its the end of the sem. A sem filled with my sweat and blood. I’m Still surviving… bwahahahaha!

Part of me feels a bit disappointed ’cause I know I could have ended my sem better.. But what the heck. At least I made it through without giving up.

Now its summer time.. can you feel the heat? Kaya ko ‘to.!

I’m a second year college student… ANG BILIS! Wasn’t I just dreaming of entering UP a week ago?  and adjusting to my new college life 3 days ago? Taking my very first long exam 2 days ago? meeting new friends yesterday? taking 21 units an hour ago? getting drained 30 minutes later? applying for membership in my organization after 3 minutes? regretting certain stuffs 4 seconds ago? Think about it… in 2 or 3 years time, another "milestone" has been achieved. The "mile" feels like an inch… and yet life goes on… with me not noticing any difference at all. Have I changed the world in some way? have I affected anyone? Have I made a difference?

… and still, the world runs at top speed.. as it always has.

"Hey, you were my friend when I was a kid. And you, and you.. you too. Look at us now. Look at you now… you look different. Well, look at me, same as always. Have I changed a bit since we last saw each other?"

KAHAPON LANG! It feels like I’m going too fast… or thinking too slow while the world zooms passed me. ZOOOOMMMMMMM!!

<useless thoughts>

This week has been partly tiring, partly heartbreaking and partly comforting. I’m poofed, fizzled, burned out… but I’m contented and still holding on…

I had my culmi in my organization (Association of Biology Majors - join UP ABM!=>) last Saturday without worrying, without hesitation, and without any preparation at all for the upcoming hell week. I only had a day’s rest, and two days of cram review.

3 exams: Bio 12 lec, Bio 12 lab and Physics 71. *sigh* The things students do to please other people and to please oneself. Well, hours turn into sweaty seconds before the first exam came: Bio 12 lec. It was a hard exam. No good. Some more review, then came bio 12 lab and Physics 71… God, it’s like I didn’t know anything. I did review you know. I read all there is to read, twice even. *sigh again* Life is indeed unfair and heartbreaking. But it goes on…

Aside from the exams, I also watched Basilia ng Malolos - a play presented by dulaang UP - with my comm3 classmates. This one is better than the last, thank God. However, it still took away precious review and sleeping hours. There was also this panel discussion, and some other requirements that I have excruciatingly divided my every bit of attention and free time. Life moves on… Let it go Adrian…

What relaxed me was this UP fair with some of my friends. And although I didn’t stay too long (which gave me zero opportunity to see Parokya ni Edgar), I was able to have fun with them. Ha ha, I didn’t think the fairy’s wheel and the wall climbing thing was so much fun. Then I spent the whole of my Saturday and Sunday sleeping.

For this week, I have papers to finish… tons and tons. Life is truly unfair… But it doesn’t mean it’s not enjoyable.. Life carries on. Good night.

Internal or external… Peace is just so hard to get… right now I’m hungry, I’m stressed, I feel terrible, and noise keeps on pounding my ear…

I wish the world would settle down… kahit isang araw lang? isang oras? isang minuto?

PS: I hate fish!

Utility belt Features:
-Can readily switch off my down mood and switch on my good mood
-charge me up when I feel tired
-electrocute me when I begin to scratch
-put me to insomniac mode when I’m reviewing (or cramming)
-knock me out when I want to sleep
-make me super flexible when I do yoga
-make me deaf when it’s too noisy
-automatically make me slap myself whenever I play too much computer games
-stun me if I spend too much
-built in automatic smacker (activates whenever I get lazy)
-priority reminder with built in schedule manager
-encouragement button for losing, trying, hell week times
-with pursue-your-dreams button
-has a built in personal yaya
-built in spa and massage therapist
-emergency “undo” button/ emergency revert-back-to-normal/default/stupid-self button
-switch off button
-maintenance free
-warranty of 30 years

Ever since I saw my brother’s graduation in UP Diliman, I have always dreamt that I would also study in the same school after I graduate from BCNHS. And here I am, trying to live my dreams. Well, frankly, mahirap siya - very much harder than high school - but thankfully, less demanding (ata) because of the whole student independence thing.

It’s kinda fun when you can do everything at your own pace. And the problem? My body is not really in tune to it. I’ve already done my scheduling, time management and sorting, God! Why did I forget to consider my body’s own limit?!!!

I don’t really feel any fatigue, body aches or any other forms of pain that my body is telling me it’s complaining. Sa totoo lang, everyday I feel like I’m full of energy. But then, my doctor said a while ago, it could be manifesting in another way… i.e. my allergies/ or psoriasis (tama ba spelling).

She said STRESS can do a lot to the body. It can give you heart attacks, obesity and yes, skin diseases like mine. Crap! WTF! UPD is damn full of it. Kaya pala on-off ang putik kong sakit. GRRRR!!! Itchy! Creepy… haha…

Well, at least now I know. I just wish I could control it.

Buti na lang magdodoktor ako. Dermatology, here I come. Ganda ng timing…

Kaya sa lahat po ng nakakakita, or nandidiri, don’t worry… di po nakakahawa… it’s just stress beating on my body.

Sige… I’ll be relaxing the whole Christmas break and hope my skin disease will subside soon…

RELAXING…………………………………….. zzzzzzzzzzzzz